Mommy

So I know I was supposed to tell you all about the great things of God I had been witnessing and doing, but Monday night Mother Nature decide to hit with that lovely week long memo that I'm not pregnant. Only this time, instead of just physically kicking my butt over my non mommy status, I think she has stepped up her game. There is literally a depression in my body over the fact that I'm not pregnant. Part of that terrifies me and part of that makes me happy.
 I'm happy over the fact that if my body didn't care then I wouldn't care. If I didn't care, then I'd make no effort to change that single status on my Facebook. When I say change, I don't mean going out with every guy that winks at me, I mean bettering myself so that I know who I am should God place the right man in front of me.
The terrifying part is if this waiting for the right man takes too long, will this depression start to grow? Will my faith hold out for Mr. Right? Will my bank account handle all the ice cream and mint M&M's?
My desire to have kids is not something I take lightly; it's something I KNOW I was called to do. Good days and bad, I was meant to do it. Something that doesn't help the fact is that two fo my best friends are pregnant. They are both my age and both married to wonderful men and fathers. I suppose it helps to think about how I want to be a mom in the right way. No shared custody, No crossing state lines to visit daddy, No arguing about child support. My mother did that with both my sister and I. Some of my other friends are going through that now. So maybe writing this blog helped me because I chose to suffer this once a month depression rather than lifelong hassle of the problems above. Actually to be perfectly honest, I'm starting birth control again to avoid this monthly memo and this depression; at least that's the hope. I think that's the key here, hope is the answer to all fear and depression.